What to Wear in the Garden: September

Righty O. Now let's begin with the facts... Fact number one, I am a huge dag. When the boys pry my eyes open of a morning, I throw on the first clothes that come to hand, and then walk around in a bleary-eyed daze organising breakfast and feeding the animals. This often makes for some fairly interesting sartorial combinations.

Fashions such as striped thigh-high socks, pyjama shorts, thongs and a grubby eighties t-shirt would not be an uncommon combination.

Unfortunately it can take me a long time to wake up, so these outfits can last for quite the distance, my neighbours are certainly under no illusions as to my fabulous sense of style.

I do, however, have a sort of uniform for gardening. Now don't get me wrong, I love to dress up as much as any young(ish) lass, it's just that mornings for me are not the time to do it. Anyway, back to my gardening uniform.

This uniform has several features that are a must.

Feature number 1: The outfit must be able to transition. So important. I live down the road from a big shopping centre, and often pop over there for some bread or milk. After my visit I want to get straight back into the garden, therefore transition is doubly important.

Feature number 2: The outfit must be suitable for gardening. Der.

Feature number 3: The outfit must offer comfort, warmth, and protection. This rule really should have come first. If I'm not comfy, I'm cranky. If I'm not warm, I'm very cranky. And if I'm not protected... I forget why I included that now.

So without further ado, please let me introduce you to the Spring Gardening Range.

Let's start with footwear. In the photo above (yes, it's the same photo of my feet... I have great feet, look at them, wouldn't you show those magnificent tootsies off?), you will note the plastic Target Croc rip-offs. Practical in oh so many ways, impractical with those holes that let the dirt in. And so so unfashionable, but I am betting on the black camouflaging them. Comfortable. Super comfortable, which is really the only reason that anyone wears them, as every single person in the world recognises how patently uncool these shoes actually are. I'd be shot on the Sex in the City set.

On to the next photo, as seen below. Spring is here, so it's time for shorts. Preferably shorts that are a little too large, for comfort, and therefore you may also need a belt. The belt crosses over particularly well in the shopping centre transitional phase.

Okay, this next feature is optional. Beads. I love to wear beads that match something else in my outfit. These red ones match the teeny tiny pinstripes on my shorts. You can go anywhere and look as though you put a little thought into your outfit if you wear beads. Mine are a little long, and get in the way, but that's the price you pay in the world of high fashion.

And finally, the scarf. I find that the scarf serves a double purpose, firstly to keep me warm when a jumper is too much, and secondly, it tames the beads. And the third double purpose is that when you take a photo of it you can include yourself and your messy home, just to show everyone out there what you look like.